Sensation

I am so happy right now. I am experiencing sensations like I almost never do.

I feel the warm breeze running over my skin
I feel the heat and texture of my meal of a burrito and chips
I listen to the Latin music I cannot understand but can comprehend on another level
I enjoy the brightness of the sun bouncing off the cars in front of me (even though my sunglasses are on top of my head)
I see all these chain stores by me- Michael's, Old Navy, Party City - and imagine what they were before being constructed

I am one lucky girl to have, for a moment at least, to see the beauty in the world. We take so much for granted, these glimpses of the real world are so gorgeous.

Today

I woke up from another theater dream. This time I was actually on stage (at least during part of it). Me and my new friend Whitmore (or Whitview, I'm not too sure now that I think about it fourteen hours later) went onstage at this festival and we were gonna sing I Am What I Am from La Cage aux Folles but he didn't get onstage cuz it went against his cult and so I sang a duet about gardening with Angela Lansbury...? I really have no idea what the hell is going on with my subconscious lately but it makes for a good story once I'm awake! ;)

Then I basically hung around until Gary got home. We picked up his friend Kip and we went to the Galleria to see the band of one of their friends. (He wasn't in it, he discovered them.) We then wandered the mall for a bit to keep out of the heat (oh god, the heat!!) before heading to the car show. I saw the Get Smart convertible and Back to the Future Delorean again, as well as a cooler older version of a SmartCar (like, a really older version!!) and an aquatic car. Most of the others were the typical really nice older cars that I would be terrified to drive next to or behind.

We then watched some bands either relive their glory days or pretend to (for example, the Beach Boys tribute band that plays mainly songs from the 60s). I got a really cool picture tonight too, with Chubby Checker! It's exactly the 50th anniversary of The Twist, so the coordinator of the event contacted the Guinness World Book of Records to see if they could break the record of the most people twisting at the same time in the same area. I'm not sure if they achieved the record.

I'm still recovering from having to wake up on Thursday at 6 and Friday at 5, so I suppose I should wrap up this post. I may look at this in the morning and delete half of it for being pure rambling. We'll see.

Good night!!

Samantha

Theatre

I swear, there is like some kind of karmic, cosmic deal out there that means I need to be acting.

And I don't mean that in an arrogant way. But I've just woken up from the second dream in a week that I've been passed over in acting.

Dream One: With the director from the Heidi Chronicles, we set out to do another play. I audition again. Again, I do not receive an acting part. Instead, I am stage manager again, plus choreographer and costume designer. I will have to sew everthing by myself as I am not given any assistants. And, I kid you not, EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON in that room got a "leading role" in this Western play we have to do. They're all giggly and saying how much fun they'll have... I'm practically hyperventilating in my sleep cuz my conscious brain decides to remind my unconscious brain about how much work stage manager was, and how much MORE work the other two roles will be.

Dream Two: This is a different director - instead, she is an English professor I'm really comfortable with at school. The same audition process happens and ... I think we had performances? Then the rehearsals? I don't know. In any case, I wasn't given a damn thing to do. We're in dress rehearsals now, I believe. (And, by the way, the theatre in the first dream was completely imaginary, while this one was a modified version of the gym of my middle school.) I've apparently been doing NOTHING for the entire process when I notice that one of the main actors (who has to speak in the next thirty seconds) is not on stage. So I run backstage (we, being the production crew, were apparently sitting on folding chairs just off stage left) and get him on stage in time from the dressing rooms. The director then proceeds to yell at me for not being in my chair for those thirty seconds and asks what my job is. I tell her I don't have one. She yells even more at me, which is odd because the real person wouldn't do that at all. This is approximately when I woke up, out of breath and tearing up.

I'm taking a lesson from these dreams and I will be researching any kind of theatre I can do either before summer ends or during the night when school begins. Any more of these dreams and I may scream.

Just had to let someone know all the gory details of my subconscious.

Samantha

San Francisco

My mood has taken a complete 180 from my last post. We're leaving the city now but yesterday and today has just been so much fun!

Yesterday, we all got up and went our separate ways. Gary went to Napa with some of his friends, and Mom and I decided to explore the city. We went to the concierge first and got a map from him, as well as some suggestions of where to go. My friend Alisha also made a huge long comment on my facebook about places to go. I wish I had more time here; it would be so much fun to do!

So Mom and I left our hotel and went walked past (and in) Union Square, Chinatown, North Beach, Fisherman's Wharf, and Ghiaradelli Square. Considering all the hills and different airs and wonderful sights to see, it took us about five or six hours to walk all that. Plus we had some detours along the way.

We spent quite a while in Chinatown, with all the knick knack shops and getting lunch and all. We got lunch at this place called Empress of China, where we had had dinner on a previous visit before. It was so delicious! There was a Chinese chicken salad with this like Ginger/sesame dressing and a "sizzling rice" soup (they added grilled[?] rice paddies to the soup and it made the sizzle sound), then barbecue pork fried rice, almond chicken, and scallops and shrimp in like an egg sauce. It was a LOT of food, and we couldn't finish it all, but it was so good! After Chinatown, we headed in the general direction of North Beach.

I am a huge fan of the show Monk. (For the record, I am very happy about how it ended.) So naturally, I looked up various places where it filmed in the city. Since it filmed mostly in LA, they were few and far between. But one of my favorite shots- Monk crossing a street at night- WAS filmed in San Francisco. And it was somewhat on our route. So I dragged Mom up this enormous hill just so I can recreate this shot. Of course, mine was at 2:30 and his was at nighttime, but it's the thought that counts.

So from there we walked down a little of North Beach, but mainly headed down to the wharf. We were by Pier 39- and, by the way, I still have no clue about what seems to make that one special- so walked past all those touristy shops to get to (in my humble opinion) The Chocolate Capital of the West Coast.

Once we were chocolated out, we took a cab back to the hotel. We had walked a bit more than five miles without really stopping, all over those hills. It was a good kind of exhaustion that we had.

Today we went to this place that I saw on the wharf, but they had a location by the hotel- Boudin Bakery. All I can say is: Oh. My. God. Their sourdough is to DIE for. I had chowder in the bread bowl... I am one full and happy camper right now.

Lonely

I was lonely at dinner tonight. There's only so much a 19-year-old can contribute to conversation with her parents and their friends.

Then two more of my dad's friends joined us all for a drink. No glance in my direction or acknowledgement. I may as well have been wearing an Invisibility Cloak with all that shit.

I got on the phone with Ernest, which was okay at the time but made me really down after. For like 20 minutes I listened to him and his friends have fun.

That's great- I don't begrudge them that. It's just that it made me think after- "when was the last time I was with a friend at their house for fun?"

I can actually tell you- Christmas Eve, with my best friend from middle school. For about 3 hours in the afternoon.

I've never been to my best friend's house. I haven't even seen her for like three weeks. It's just crazy!

I'm sorry if this is coming out really pathetic. I'm on vacation, just came from one of the prettiest cities in the state and am now in one of my favorite places in the world. I should be happy. And I was when we were exploring.

Dinnertime rolled around and that kind of went down the toilet.

Ah well. Hakuna matata. I hope tomorrow's awesome. :)

Anyone who thinks

That knitting is an easy and repetitive activity all the time has obviously never tried cabling.

Some of you may recall (the strange affair of the Phantom of the Opera, a mystery never fully explained) a post of mine from earlier this year or late 2009, bragging about my aptitude at said activity. For those of you new to the blog, a cable is that upraised braid or pattern usually found on professional knitted items, such as sweaters.

Well apparently my post was bullshit.

We're in the car, driving up to Monterey for vacation, when I come up with the (absolutely insane) idea of trying this cable pattern. It'll be fun, I thought. A new yarn and a new pattern. Cool!

Well that was two hours ago. In that time I have finished exactly sixteen rows of cable pattern. (I had two of preliminary work to set up). Oh my god ...

Brain is mush. Want to rip out demonic yarn. Spent too much time to. Ugh.

I cursed more about dropping stitches or whatever than I did yesterday when a horribly heavy plastic (brick sized) Calvin Klein sign fell on my toes yesterday.

Boy, was that an experience. I wanted to yell and curse and get that damned thing off my foot. It fell four feet onto my foot with a HUGE thump! that caught everyone's attention. But I also caught sight of some kids not too far away, so in the middle of my pain on my middle, ring, and a little bit of the pinky toes, I tell my mom "Oh my god that hurts but I can't curse cuz we're in public!" She thought it was cute. I think I was delirious.

Then you know, Macy's sent someone over with ice packs and an accident report. In the meantime, I took my vocabulary to Ernest. I think he got the picture when my beginning statement was "holy motherfucking shit". Haha

It still hurts to walk a bit. I hope it gets better quick; I have sightseeing to do! :)

I shall keep you updated from Northern California!

Samantha

Watching Monk right now and...

I reeeeeeally want to see The Silence of the Lambs.

I read the book. I've seen the posters and pictures of it online.

I'm just too chicken to actually go buy the movie and watch it on my own. Horror films are not exactly my favorite thing in the world - but I managed the first book fine. It was Hannibal that made me cringe every few chapters (that Mason Verger is a SICK mo-fo... Not to mention the pictures of Gary Oldman in costume...!)

But I don't know... Although Jame Gumb is equally sick in his own way, I really love Ted Levine's acting.

I'm just having a really hard time figuring out what he would look like. I've seen that one picture of him on google images like a million times but can't figure out what he's really going to look like as Gumb.

It must be Captain Stottlemeyer's mustache that's throwing me off.

But it's that whole thing of loving acting rather than the physicality of an actor thing that I really want to see. Not to mention that Jame Gumb is really a 180 from this part for Ted Levine - a murderer versus a homicide captain? A man with a mustache versus a gender-confused one? Oh dear Lord the character differences alone make me giggle.

I also found out that Tony Shalhoub also played Scoop in The Heidi Chronicles. But from his Monk characterizations, you'd really never know it.

Hm. I think now I'm just typing random stuff. Have a nice night, all.

Oh! Yes. If anyone reading is my facebook friend and plays Cafe World and/or Frontierville, any way you could send me gifts? I need stuff. ;)

Okay, I'm good now. Bye bye!

Not quite as "soon" as I was hoping, really.

I've really really meant to update this so many times since I last posted.

A lot has happened.
Well.
Actually.
Not that much, when I think about it.
We'll see.

Pretty much right after I posted, it was Ernest's birthday, so I went up to Lindsay for a while. Then he came back down here for a while. All in all, we spent 11 days completely together. After our separation of ...what, three weeks? ... it was nice.

I've been to Disneyland once since I updated - but not with Lauren, which was kind of odd. I went with my friend Adam, who was in the Heidi Chronicles. It was really a lot of fun. We did different things (well, not really, but in a different pattern) than I'm used to, and it was just really cool to be there. I've worked twice since last update - once on a game show called Pictureka, which will be on a new channel by Hasbro and Discovery this fal, and once on Greek. We shot at Pierce during Greek, which was really nice as I've done that drive at that time for the last two summers. I didn't fret about parking or weather or the drive. It was a four hour day too, which was reaaaaaaally good, cuz otherwise they probably would have had a mob on their hands. (We shot under direct sun, at noon, in 90+ degree weather, in layered clothing, in summertime. We were not a happy 300 person crowd.)

I've seen Toy Story 3 a few times and adored it each time. It has its sad moments - I gasped out loud and tears welled up when I first learned that Bo Peep was no longer with the toys, for one - but it is absolutely phenomenal. Buzz's Spanish Mode was too funny!

So as you can see, I could have updated after really any of this to go more into detail. Why now? Nothing really happened today. I got up, spent some time fooling around on the computer, went to the mall and met up with my mom for mani/pedi, and came home for dinner. That's it.

I was at the mall waiting for Mom to show up. (I came there from home, she came from work... two completely different directions.) I'm browsing in one of those Forever 21 knockoff stores and trying on clothes when I hear a group of giggly girls crowding in a few of the dressing rooms around mine. Whatever.

What I was not expecting was to come out and come face to face with one girl that everyone adored in my second high school and for her to kind of look through me. Then four of her friends come out of the rooms - they're the giggly girls - and all talk about the outfits they're considering.

Uhhhh.......

Well. I'm not feeling at all awkward.

I wait for some recognition, but kind of discretely (I hope) by hanging around some racks next to the open area by the dressing rooms.

Nothing.

I totally gave them an in, too. I faked a phone call. I picked up a tee shirt and played my ringtone, stopped it, held the phone to my ear. "Hello? This is Samantha. ....Oh, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number." This "conversation" happened as I passed them to return to the fitting room.

I know, I know. I'm cringing at my own actions. But it seemed logical. What if they recognized my face but had forgotten the name? I know each of their first and last names and sort of what happened to them after I transferred and we all graduated. (Thank God for facebook. Oh, right. We're all facebook friends and this is STILL going down.) How awkward would conversation have been if that had been the case?

Nothing.

I know I thought in high school that I was invisible. I wasn't really cool but not that nerdy either. I kind of floated through the ranks and social groups. But I did plays with two of them and one of the girls was my French class partner for a semester. I guess I had hoped that through social networking and after high school, I wouldn't feel invisible anymore. I don't in college (most of the time).

But today in that store.. and even right now... It's all just flooding back.

God, I hate high school. When can I go to college?