Boy, I'm glad I waited til tonight to post this. Hell, I'm glad til I waited til JUST NOW to post.
Otherwise, anyone who's reading may have gotten a face full of dramatic angst and ramblings. Now, you get a positive outlook on, well, still ramblings. But the angst is gone, so that must be a nice change.
I know it is.
What I made my mind up to do last post is working. I am happier. Yet oddly that makes me sad. As I said before, it was a difficult decision to make, but one healthier for my peace of mind. I'm saddened that it's working and that it was even necessary in the first place. If that makes sense. No? Well not really to me either, so that's okay.
As to why I'm so happy I waited? My iPod has been of great comfort to me over the weekend, and I have fun putting together random compilations. I am a great Broadway fan(atic), so my music is mostly (all) soundtracks. And yet I put side by side two songs that made me feel better about things in general: "So Much Better" from Legally Blonde the Musical, and "Astonishing" from Little Women the Musical. (I swear, I didn't go alphabetical by album title. This randomly really happened.) So I got pulled up in the joy and exuberance of "So Much Better". It's a cheerful little tune, basically saying 'fuck you, world! I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do, and there's nothing you can do to make me feel less than I am!' Which is wonderful to feel, I must admit. Then "Astonishing" came on. I've had the songs on this particular playlist memorized for at least a year, so I can kind of half sing along, half do whatever I need my attention on. Yet somehow, I guess my psyche wanted me to tune in for this:
"I thought I knew him / Thought that he knew me / When did it change? / What did I miss?"
Which, to those in the know, will see how closely it actually follows my real thoughts.
Then the real hope of the song came through:
"I'll find my way / I'll find it far away / I'll find it in unexpected and unknown / I'll find my life in my own way / Today
Here I go / And there's no turning back / My great adventure has begun / I may be small / But I've got giant plans / To shine as greatly as the sun
I will blaze until I find my time and place / I will be fearless, / Surrendering modesty and grace / I will not disapear without a trace / I'll shout and start a riot / Be anything but quiet / Christopher Columbus, I'll be Astonishing / Astonishing / Astonishing / At last"
To me, this came out loud and clear. Just like Jo March, I will follow my passions and my dreams. I can do it, and I don't need flakes to pull me back from my full potential.
So fuck you, world! Look out! I'm gonna do great things, and no one can stop me!
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