Pretty random, but...

I'm trying to become more feminine.

Growing out my hair.
Going from "Sam" back to "Samantha".
Getting high heels.

Why?

Cuz it's hard to be seen as female when my hair is spiked and I'm called Sam, wearing tennis shoes. If any one of these was different (probably name and/or hair), I probably wouldn't care.

As it is, though, it's hard to change.

You see, all my teachers and friends know me as "Sam". My hair is at an awkward length. I'm self-conscious at the click-clack of my heels.

I know I'm conforming to traditional gender roles and expectations. But I don't know what else to do.

Maybe I'm taking the easy way out. (Though try telling my poor feet that!) It would be one thing if I truly considered myself this girly-girl. But I don't. I only consider myself the most feminine one in my group at the moment. I don't mind doing any of this change, truly and honestly.

I'm just not all that excited or passionate about it, either.

---

That was from a little while ago. Most of it is still applicable to me now, a few weeks later.

I've just been through my notebook, and BOY, do I go off on tangents a lot in my notes. The notes are for classes, no less! For my own use, but still, I don't even need to read "Why the hell is everyone so against the Jews? Someone please explain." when looking at my notes for World Drama and Theatre! Especially when the section of the world we're looking at is Central America..

Or, or..

"Selling arms: limbs vs. guns? :) "

"Green exit signs make sense. Green = go, so it's like go NOW if there's an emergency"

And by far the most random one yet:

"This girl sounds like Megan Mullally."

It'd make sense if I had a note saying where that note was, or what I was doing. But I have no flipping clue!! And now I'm wondering if whoever it was sounded like Megan Mullally from Will and Grace, or from Young Frankenstein. There's quite a difference!

But now I'm going off on a tangent about my tangents. Crap.

In other news, I am just so happy, I could burst. The last few days have been so SO awesome. More later, if anything really happens. ;)

I am not pleased, though, with being stuck in a stagnant situation. I also do not know how to react to lies. They are someone's opinion about me, but they are not true at all.

Anywho. Knitting update:

Sunday night I made another pair of fingerless gloves. I usually use cotton, but since it's getting cooler and I had this fairly small ball of a wool/angora blend, I thought I'd use it. And I'm SO glad I did. They are navy blue and soft and warm and getting all fuzzy.. Note to self: do not EVER put these in the washing machine!

As for my shirt: I'm still only at eight inches for the back. All last week it just kind of sat at the foot of my bed on my trunk, but hopefully its hiatus will be fairly brief. Well, maybe not. I just picked up a bunch of yarn to make a care package for a friend going to Iraq next month. (Hi, Dylan!) Now to find the patterns... It's hopefully gonna be awesome.

The blanket: I know, I know, why the hell don't I have this thing done already?! Well, right now, it's sitting across the room in a fairly opaque bag so I can't see it glaring at me. "Damn you Samantha! I only have six rows left! Have some sympathy!" The only problem is that I made a mistake a few rows back and I have to rip it out.. I hate hate HATE ripping stuff back. Anyone who says they enjoy it is a big fat liar! And it's not something I could just continue with.. no. It's like this six-foot long afghan, and this gaping hole is at the end because I dropped a stitch or some nonsense.. it would be stupid to let it continue. I just have to bring myself to rip it back. Once we're past there, smooth sailing ahead! (And I can use those needles again, thank God.)

So this weekend I made a scarf. Nothing new. Except this scarf is bright pink. And it has three textures: one like ribbon, one like really smooth fleece, and one like feathers. It looks good in the 1x1 ribbing I gave it... it's just not that attractive of a scarf for anyone over, say, eight. Which is why I've decided to give it to the daughter of a family friend, for Christmas. Mainly because she's the only one who has even a remote chance of wearing it.

Also this weekend, I bought sock yarn and a book, and brought all two sets of my double pointed needles back to school with me. I chose a pattern that doesn't call for a heel (cuz I'm intimidated as hell as it is!) and cast on. Let it be known, I despise double pointed needles. With a passion. Yet somehow, to my left there is a small triangle of purple yarn attached to three of those suckers, with a fourth (as the guide) to the right of my keyboard. (Note: I had to stop because the yarn kept getting tangled up. I unwound and rewound for two hours tonight. Not all that fun, let me tell you.) I'll see what the fuss is, see if I can stand DPNs at all, and keep my feet all nice and cozy this winter with socks I made myself.

That part of it is attractive, I must say.

Okay, well.. I think that's all for the time being. I'm gonna go watch Monk now. :)

Bye for now!