research

I'm in my local library (cuz I can't focus at home) and skimming through my well-worn script of La Cage aux Folles, just in case I missed anything in my paper about Jerry Herman, the composer and lyricist of said show. One section just made me laugh so unexpectedly, some heads around me turned.

The situation is that Jean-Michel, the son of Albin (the drag performer) and Georges (the owner of the drag club) has just announced that he is to be married to the daughter of really really conservative people. Georges was in the room, and Jacob the butler (though he prefers "maid") ran down to tell Albin the news. So, without further ado:

(The U.S.L. club door flies open and in a rage, puffed to twice his size, ALBIN enters and crosses D.S.L.)

ALBIN: Wedding bells? Do I hear wedding bells?!?!?!?!?

GEORGES: Jacob strikes again.

ALBIN: (circling the stage) What have we raised, Georges? An ani-mal? Snakes live male and female together. Cats live male and female together. We are human beings. We know better!

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Ah, I love Harvey Fierstein. (He wrote the libretto). Thank you for giving my research a bit of a kick. :)

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ADDITION:

Okay, I came across another instance that has me in stitches. The little girl being read to at the next table is giving me very odd looks.

The situation: Jean-Michel has requested that Albin be sent away for the night, so that George and his biological mother, Sybil, can meet the conservative family with no repercussions. Albin is heartbroken and performs the super powerful "I Am What I Am" (please look it up on iTunes, if you haven't heard it. The one by George Hearn, if you please.) then storms off stage and disappears for the night. The next morning, Georges finds Albin and says that he can come to the dinner that night, but only as Jean-Michel's "Uncle Al". His straight Uncle Al, no less. This is quite a feat to be performed. Here is Georges trying to tell Albin how to act heterosexual:

GEORGES: Thank you, my love. (Crossing C.) Now to prepare. (He pauses to think how to go about this. Looking at ALBIN:)

ALBIN: Slouch?

GEORGES: Go ahead. Slouch! (ALBIN tries to slouch) Not like that.
(MME. RENAUD appears from the cafe with breakfast tray, and puts it on the cafe table. GEORGES takes ALBIN R. to the S.L. cafe chair.)
You better slouch in that chair. (to MME. RENAUD:)
He's going to be a heterosexual man tonight. He'd better behave like one. Slouch! (ALBIN screams.)
What's the matter?

ALBIN: You yelled at me. (M. RENAUD appears.) Sorry, he yelled at me.

GEORGES: (Crossing D.S.C.) Yes, I yelled at you. But you're a man. You must face up to your destiny. Even if that means getting yelled at. You must say to yourself, "Something terrible has happened to me. I have been yelled upon. But I am a man! I am strong! I will climb back up that mountain!"

ALBIN: (applauding) Bravo!

GEORGES: (crossing to ALBIN) Now, drop your shoulders, and let them go round and beaten. Stop holding in your stomach. (ALBIN tries to cover up his stomach with his scarf.) Let it pour over your lap, a testimonial to the nights spent drinking with the boys. (GEORGES pulls away the scarf.) Let it pour over your lap. Now... spread your legs!

ALBIN: Excusez-moi?!

GEORGES: You're wearing pants not a skirt. Spread them! ... (ALBIN spreads his feet, keeping his knees together.) ... You can do better than that. Spread them! ... (ALBIN pries his knees open, and daintily covers his crotch with his hand.) Now pick up that croissant. (ALBIN picks up a croissant delicately. The way he holds it, it looks as though he is holding a penis.) .... Better try the toast. (ALBIN picks up a piece of toast with equal delicacy.) No, not like that. Think of a man. Think of...

RENAUD: John Wayne!

GEORGES: Exactly; John Wayne. I want you to pick up that piece of toast like John Wayne.

(ALBIN stands, takes off his hat and hand it to MME. RENAUD. He pretends to take a gun out of a holster, shoots GEORGES and then M. RENAUD. He then sits legs together and picks up the toast as he had before.)

GEORGES: And what was is that supposed to be? I thought I said John Wayne.

ALBIN: It is John Wayne. As a little girl.


xoxoxo so much George Hearn (in La Cage) and Nathan Lane (in Birdcage) love in this scene. I can't wait for La Cage to get back to Broadway, so it can tour! :)

NOTE: None of the text cited belongs to me. It was written by the amazing Harvey Fierstein, and copyrighted 1984 and 1987.