Thoughts of the Day

Today on the drive back up to school, I saw a Denny's. This is not a new Denny's. I see it every time I drive back up here, and I have ever since I started going to college. What makes tonight's passage worth mentioning is that all the letters in the sign were lit up. It's one of those different signs where each of the letters is individually lit up by neon or some such gas. I've driven past Denn 's, or enny's, or even Den y' , but almost never Denny's. And this is so silly to even mention in a blog, but this small thing made me really happy.

Also in the car: I've noticed that I never put on a show when others are in the car. I love to sing. Whether I'm any good, I don't know. I sing in my car, in the shower, just hanging around my room... you get the idea. But if anyone's around besides my mother, I will clam up. Well, I won't stop singing, but I'll tone down the performance level a LOT. Like... on a scale of one to ten, going from a nine to a two and a half. If it's just me.. oh, boy, all bets are off. I'll belt or do funny voices or even mime some of the lyrics as I sing them. Too bad the only other person to see me do this is biased. ;)

I am in the production again this year. This is such an exciting thing! For the past two weeks, we've mainly been getting to know one another and getting a feel of each other as an ensemble. The show will be going on at Week Twelve of the semester. We're going on Week Three right now and still don't know our roles. I'm not going to lie, that is really grating on my nerves, as well as some of my cast mates', if the gossip I hear is correct. But it really has been fun getting to know old friends better, and making new friends in our common and shared experience. :)

So much of today's society is in such a negative place. This is, I believe, mainly attributed to the media as it is. We as a people listen to the news with all of its war talk and diseases and politics and generally horrible things happening in the world. The shows that try to put some positivity into the show are regarded as jokes and they'll get delegated to talk-show status. But moving aside... I do try to be positive. I'll groan and bitch how much so-and-so annoys me, or how I just hate this or that... but I love spreading positivity to others. This usually comes about in small comments such as in, "Wow, your hair looks great today!" or "Where did you get those shoes?" Stuff like that. Tis is really a twofer, now that I think about it. It is definitely an ice breaker, and conversations will spring forth, which I adore. But also it generally puts the other person in a really good mood for at least a few minutes. One instance springs to mind. This was in early December, and my mom and I were in the Disney store buying some pajamas for my little cousin. I'm just looking around, and notice that the cashier has the most lovely hair - dark brown, about shoulder-blade length, and all ringlets. Not Shirley Temple, but about as wide around as a water bottle or something similar. I mention that her hair looks really great, and she (not being the one ringing us up) looks up at me, gets this huge grin on her face, and says, "Really? I just woke up with it like this today!" Not at all snooty, but really enthusiastic that someone else noticed her fortunate hair day. And that is why I love dropping compliments here and there.... people gobble them up and maybe it'll turn someone's bad day around.

I remember one day last semester where I felt that glow of, Really-Maybe-I-Am-Pretty-Today. I had a furlough day in my costume design class, and since that was the only class of my day, I was free. So that day, I woke up late, put on some sweats, tee shirt, and baseball cap, and went about my day. No makeup. Nothing really nice. I was just looking to be comfortable on a day where no one would judge me by what I wore. So anyway, I went to the cafeteria for lunch and met up with a friend and two of her friends. I sat with them for some hours before heading back to my room. The one guy of the four of us would NOT lay off me... Flirting subtly, then getting kind of nasty when I gave no response to the former. I signed onto AIM and a guy friend started chatting to me... I told him that I was only looking for friendship from guys at the time, as I don't have a solid group. He then proceeded to tell me that he liked me, and as I just said I wasn't looking for romance at the time, should he put off asking me out? I said yes, but was still so so very flattered. The third instance of that day was my crush returning one of my books and chatting with me at my door for twenty minutes. Keep in mind, I was still in the sweats and baseball cap with no makeup on. My mind was BLOWN. I had no idea (and still have no idea) what it was about me that day that drew these three nice young men to me. Was it coincidence? Or did I actually exude something ... confidence, kindness, comfort ....? that acted like honey? I may never know.

Knitting update:

As for the lace patterned scarf: I finished it yesterday, decided it was too long and thin, and ripped it apart. (Ripping = making the yarn back into a ball, as opposed to being my latest project. I didn't tear it up.) I loved the pattern and yarn and needles combination, though, so I simply added on another few stitches to make it wider and hopefully shorter.

I need to make a scarf for Gary this week. He's headed to New York on Sunday (and aren't I jealous!) and it's going to be insanely cold. So, since I knit and all, he asked for something... a first! I'm trying to think of a good yarn that is soft, machine washable, and masculine. I have nothing in my stash that is all three of these requirements. This may call for a trip to my LYS (Local Yarn Store/Shop) tomorrow after classes.

Yesterday I got a yarn that I have been coveting for a few months now. It's this insanely rich purple wool that I put off buying because I didn't want to make just another scarf with it. It's too nice for that. But I broke down and got it because there was a pattern for fingerless gloves made FOR THAT YARN right next to it. I am a sucker for fingerless gloves. I've made six pairs that I remember. One was for a gift, but oftentimes I'll make them because I have too little yarn to make anything else out of it. That, or I'll see a nice pattern and think, Gee, that'll look nice with Yarn X and Needles Y. It's all trial and error, folks. But the shop had a sample glove next to the pattern and yarn, and it was so nice and cozy and fun looking that I just had to get it. It's a different pattern type than I'm used to, but hopefully that won't be much of a problem.

Okay.. I'm going to get to bed early for a change! Tis just about eleven.. I'd like to be in REM by midnight! ... if that's possible. I don't remember how fast it takes to get to REM state sleep..

Anywho, good night! :)

I know I said I wasn't inspired...

But that was yesterday. And now it's today, and I'm bored, so I'm gonna blog. Because really, that's about it on what I can do.

Right now I'm working for my mom for Disney's "give a day, get a day" deal. We've been collecting books for about four hours now from people that have signed up. We still have another hour.

Up until now, I've been knitting in between people arriving. I felt bad last night about having no inspiration, so I went through my various magazines and such (again.... I did it last weekend as well) to hopefully find a nice stitch to use for my yarn I brought home. I accidentally left last week's sample at school, so had nothing to do at home.

I don't like to be idle.

So I got to my last magazine - of course it was the last one! - and found some lace patterns. I've been too intimidated to try lace much... There's not a lot of repetition in lace in one row, let alone in the sometimes sixteen-row repeat pattern. But I found an easy four-row repeat, and so that's what I've been doing, both last night and today during this book drive.

Um. What else? Oh! I watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother last night where Ted's students make a drinking game out of Robin's tv show... They drink every time she says "but, um". I was obviously not awake this morning, as I was playing something similar with my coffee. I had the Disney playlist going, and Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life for Me was going. I dared myself to drink a sip of coffee every time they sang "drink up, me hearties, yo ho!". I realized within 30 seconds or so that I would be extremely hyper and run out of coffee quickly if I continued in this vein. But for that first minute or so, I was very amused.

Also...... I am in fact a true 90s kid. My mom has Capri Sun in her office, and I was able to get the straw in on the first go. I am very proud of this fact.

Only 35 minutes left. *sigh*

TTYL!

Wow, it's been a while.

I guess I haven't really been inspired to blog lately. Plenty has happened, though, so I guess I'll give a short update.

- Gary's 50's bday came and went. We had a get-together the weekend after. Lauren and I went to Disneyland for a short time on the actual day of his birth.
- Ernest and I have been going out 3 months. :)
- School started up again. I'm in six classes this semester. It should be ... not easy, but manageable. Hopefully. With the production, one never knows. Last year, I had four, including the show. Now I'll have five, PLUS the show. We'll see what happens.
- I've also not been knitting as much as normal. This is really somewhat disappointing. I just haven't had any inspiration. Is getting back into the swing of school a damper of this kind of thing? This happened after the summer, as well. Hm.

I suppose that's it. I've had a lot on my mind, but I don't know how to put it into words. I think.

I'm going to go now. xoxo

On the Road

We're back in California. Granted, we're five minutes over the border, but it still counts. :)

I don't get bored very easily. I can only think of two times I've consciously thought that. And I know that's all that I've thought it cuz I'm always so shocked at myself. Despite the fact that I'll bitch that I have nothing to do, I always do. If nothing else, I'll daydream. I'm good at that. ;) I enjoy thinking of any ways that various situations could go down. They never do, but at least I'm prepared.

I was thinking about what I could do after graduating, knowing myself and my personality as well as I do. My mother says I am an excellent writer. I like to believe that this is true. I've daydreamed about being a novelist. Do I think I could actually keep myself entertained for a whole book of creation? No. The way I think is more in a staged format. Blame it on the many many plays I've seen, whatever. Thinking realistically, I could find myself entranced with writing one act plays or short stories. I love making up detailed histories for my characters, even if I never get a chance to use all that information. It's like I'm a biographer and a psychologist all at once- I know how my people react, and why they do so. Now, going with my other degree. I could join the millions of people out here longing to become actors. I could keep up my extras jobs. I probably will. Despite the mistreatment I suffered at Greek, I still think being an extra is a really easy way to make money. Of course, once I'm in the real world, this opinion could change drastically, but it'd be fun to keep doing. My original goal was to become a Broadway actress, you know. I would have such a blast in that. I am not the worlds best singer, I know. I couldn't even get into Reflections while at LAB, for goodness' sakes. And I cannot dance. Is it too late to begin or resume those lessons? I don't know.

I've just got word that we have three more hours on the road. Hooray.

Of course, I could combine my majors and write plays for the rest of my life. The only thing I have a problem with is that i've somehow picked the two majors in the world where it's hardest to be "discovered". I'm only nineteen, and in school. I know this, yet it doesn't relieve my fears that I'll just end up in a 9-5 job like someone who just gave up. I'm on good terms with at least ... four published authors. I could hopefully get agent and publisher information from them. I do have one poem published in print, but it was one of those website scams to make money, and mine was one of those randomly chosen.

I just realized that this is the second post in two days about not knowing how to advance myself somehow. If you have any ideas about either issue, please let me know.

Arizona Post Number Two

I just made a sock. Yes, just one. Lol!

I made a sock before. Again, only one. I hated the yarn when I was finished, so I haven't yet psyched myself up enough to go back to it. But this.. Oh, this is nice. 50/50 acrylic and nylon. Normally I love the natural fibers as opposed to manmade ones, but this is so nice and soft and easy to work with, i think I'll make an exception. ;)

And it was oh so easy! I've lost my fear of dpn's (double pointed needles), so that wasn't a problem. I chose a really repetitive stitch (knit 2, purl 2, repeat repeat repeat...) and a number of stitches that made so it would look nice instead of all screwy. As well as fit my foot, of course. I chose to not use a heel on this, because they really just complicate things. I'm fine wearing the tube sock I finished not half an hour ago. It's a pretty purple. The picture I took makes it look more blueish, so maybe I'll post it on facebook, maybe not. Probably when I have both done and I'm making my "winter break" album. Yeah.

Ummm. That's really about it. For right now, anywho. K bye. :)

I'm bored.

And stuck outside of our hotel room. For some reason or other, the door won't open. So y'all get to see my half-awake musings til my mom comes back with a new key.

I just saw someone downstairs that looked almost exactly like one of my aquaintances from my graduating high school. He was a sophomore when I was a senior, and sometimes a jerk, but nicer than the majority of the people there. I actually existed to him. Which is really more than I can say for my classmates.

To them, I was just an answer key. If I was even there, of course. Never mind about my own work or anything in my personal life. If I gave them the answer, I was a cheat to half of them, and if I didn't, I was a prude to the rest of them.

See why I love college so much more than high school?

Um. Okay. Let's see. We're back in the room, but I'm gonna keep going.

We're in Phoenix, AZ to celebrate Gary's 50th out here with his parents and a few of his brothers. Next weekend is the celebration at my house. Should be fun.

On a completely separate note: I cannot wait to go back to school! I have really missed my friends and the hustle and bustle around campus. I may be antisocial, but I LOVE being around people. I get too inside my thoughts and too into my home and stuff when I'm by myself. This is not a bad thing, but I do get a bit stir crazy after a few days.

I told my parents that I'd like to be more active when on campus. They suggested bringing my bike back. I said Hell No! Firstly, I have no idea where i'd put it. Second, I don't know where I'd ride it. Thirdly, I don't know when I'll have time. And fourth, I don't have NEARLY enough stamina for that to be a good idea. I love riding my bike when I can- but those are always short rides, like around the neighborhood for maybe forty five minutes, stopping every so often for water or shade. I'd like to improve this, really, but I either don't know how or have simply grown too lazy to continue my exercise plans. I used to be really athletic, you know. I could run really fast and beat out the guys in whatever- I was taking ice skating lessons- I took karate... Then it went downhill. I got pneumonia in the sixth grade, which started the whole deal when I couldn't run for very long without being completely out of breath. Ice skating stopped when I was practicing stopping (which was simply opening my skates quickly and gathering some ice on either side) and toppled over. I hit my head. Actually, my glasses intimately met my skull. They glued me back together in the ER. Karate lasted a long while - I started in when I was eleven, got my black belt at fourteen, took a year's break, and went back to my dojo to assistant teach for a year and a half. I stopped that cuz I was going into my senior year and had to concentrate on my schoolwork.

So yeah, there's a bunch of random history of mine. Enjoy. Let me know what you think. All that jazz.

I finished the shawl last night. It IS so so sooooo glorious. <3 now to work on either the autumn scarf I brought, or the tube socks I've been working on.

Okay... TTYL!! :)

Hey all

Not to make too big an issue of it- but I am so very tired. Today is the third day in a row that I've had to get up at least three hours before my normal wake-up time, and I made the unfortunate decision two nights out of three to go to bed at my normal time. Ugh. Not fun.

The first day I had to go to a glass repair shop cuz some jerk broke a window in my car- that little one that just seems to be there in the back? Yeah. So that was done by eleven. I spent the rest of the day in a daze... But that lifted somewhat when I got called by my service and told that I was booked for a job!! I was soo excited! Finally, some money, and something to put on my resume!

Day two, I woke up and put on my finest "graduation" wear. I was a student on Greek, and got one of the fancy graduation robes. Which meant that I got to be closer to the cameras. Yay! It shot at CSUN, so that was a nice drive. The job started off great, but when we didn't get any water for five hours, we got a little cranky. Not to mention no food til the very very end of the day. Also- heels in mud is not fun. I kept sinking and getting stuck when the camera was not rolling. Yanking my good heels out of the dirt and grass outside the CSUN library is not that fun, surprisingly, even if I was getting paid for it.

I met some really nice people. One of the PAs put me in a clump with these two women in their fifties- Nancy and Karen. He then said we were supposed to be sisters, but once he was out of earshot, the three of us nixed that and decided that they were my lesbian moms and I was their turkey baster baby, carried by Karen. Later on, Nancy "left" Karen for some guy, and the two of us gained my "second cousin twice removed" "boyfriend", George. He was a nice guy. Quiet, and I think gay, but he automatically became cool when he told me he used to work for Disney. He kept "leaving" me for other girls to walk around the graduation with. Ah well. ;) I worked eight hours yesterday, and can't wait for more jobs. The episode is the season (and, I hear, series) finale of Greek. It should be epic. ;)

Today I had to wake up early so we could get on the road to Arizona. We should be there in about an hour. The whole trip, I've been working on a shawl. It's getting rather glorious, I must say. I'd been saving the yarn for something really nice, and I'm glad I chose this. It's this nice silk-wool blend in a kind of silver lavender periwinkle. <3 Again, soooo very glorious. :)

I'm gonna play I Spy now. K bye!

Karma

I really believe in karma.

My feelings will (and do) flip flop on other forms of spiritual and otherworldly guidance. But karma has a set feel to it. I enjoy knowing that no matter what happens, negative people will get their due, as will positive people.

I truly try to not demean people - to accept them for who they are, despite any differences in opinion that we may have. Of course, I'm not a saint. I have never proclaimed to be one. I have lost quite a few friends over the past four years, and I cannot understand why. I do not pretend to say that since I do not know why, it is completely their fault. No. It is just when someone is catty and mean that I will not put much stock in their opinion anymore. And, well, since I live in the most superficial town in the world, maybe this is a negative effect. Maybe I've a personality quirk that drives these people away. Maybe they just pick up on my disdain for their shallow behavior. I don't know.

I do know - and here, relating to the beginning of the post - that those people who have deliberately and repeatedly put me down: Brittany and Nicole, for example - they will get their due reward.

This is why I'm content to wait. I know that people who take the high road can be infuriating to those who do not. Not to mention, what would I be if I stooped to their level for petty and personal revenge for things that happened even years ago?

Okay. My philisophical mood is ebbing. Time to end the post.

Best karma to you all! :)

Happy New Year!!

See, told you it'd be 2010 before I updated again. ;)

This year is up to a good start, so far. I have no resolutions, and so will feel no real disappointment if I fail at my goal. For once, I am comfortable in my own body, and the diet/exercise resolution has not arisen. I have accepted that I will never be model thin, and I am okay with that. As long as I eat healthy and be active, I see no reason to fret about my weight. And I could resolve to never procrastinate again. But I know myself, and that is not a reasonable resolution.

I could always resolve to become more socially active. That is a resolution that I am all for, actually. I have gotten closer to those in the play last year - yet I have seen only one over break. And that was my boyfriend, who I went and visited to celebrate New Year's. But more on that later.

Let's see. I have 233 Facebook friends, currently. I am in regular contact with three of them. One is my mother. One is my boyfriend. And one is a good friend, I have to say. Yet what about the other 230? If I were to be completely honest in who I would actually talk to in the next year, I could probably delete at least 200 of those friends.

It's really sad how antisocial I am, isn't it?

So yeah, if anyone feels alone or the urge to hang out with someone new on the weekends.. chances are, I'm free. Gimme a call, or drop me a line on Facebook. Or even here, I'm not picky.

On a somewhat separate note: my best friend from kindergarten and I haven't spoken in a year and a half. I'm not sure how this makes me feel. Actually, that was a complete and utter lie. I know exactly how I feel about this. Whether or not I care to divulge to any Tom, Dick, or Harry that decides to read my blog... no, I don't think so. If you know me personally, feel free to message me. If you don't, then feel free to wonder from afar.

Um. I started this post with a whole other thought in mind. Let's see here...

Oh yes.

I brought in 2010 marvelously. Mom and Gary decided to take us three on a bit of a road trip.. right to Ernest's door. Three hours away. It was so awesome. :) I love my parents. So I got to see him and break up the time of not seeing one another in half, which was a relief.

Of course, it wasn't enough time. It was like, just a teaser or something of how life at school was. We were just as comfortable and we joked around just as much as we did at school.. but it was still only for one night. You know, rather than a semester. There's only so much a phone call or text message can connect two people. There's really nothing like face-to-face interaction.

So Ernest took me on a real tour through his town, and some of the surrounding towns as well. It was all very nice. We went back to his house and watched a movie as midnight passed us by. We did share a kiss at midnight, of course. (I set an alarm on my phone! ;] ) Then he drove me back to the hotel and I got ready for bed.. I saw him today before we left town. I was emotional. But I think I'd prefer to be emotional than to just be "Okay, see you in two weeks, bye" - detatched. You know? I hope I'm making sense to the empty cyberspace out there.

Of course, not too much has happened in 2010 yet. It's only been a day! Give it some time, I'm sure I'll have plenty to say. ;)

Bye for now!